Asking for and accepting help can be hard, but it's important to remember that it doesn't make you any less of a parent.
I am not too proud to ask for help.
Although it has taken me almost 10 years to admit it. Having my first child at 21, I felt there would be a preconception of how I would be as a mum. If I would “cope”.
I never asked for help and it was tough.
Asking for help or accepting help when it was offered to me felt like I was somehow less of a mum, less of a woman.
I see now I was young and naïve and terrified about what this journey would have in store for me but so determined to prove everyone including myself wrong, that I could do this. Even on my own.
My maternal self is my strongest self. My instincts as a mum and the bond I have with my children is incredibly strong. It has taken me 10 years to accept that if I need a little help here and there that it won’t change that.
Mums need help. Now as a working mum of four I need more help than ever. It all boils down to priorities for me. I physically can’t do everything that needs to be done for my family.
In order for me to be the best mum I can be and have the kind of atmosphere in our home and with my children that I want for them, I have to get some help. Being with my children is my priority.
I recently spent time in hospital after a serious infection. I was trying to “do it all” and failing miserably. I was trying to keep up with housework, work, look after my kids and all the things involved with the running of a family of 6. I burned out.
It gave me a scare and it quickly made me realize that I can’t do it all. It may be great for my family to have a lovely clean home and the washing always done but what use am I to my family if I end up in the hospital because of it?
What difference would it make if I had somebody to help me do that. Why do we feel as women compelled to “have it all”? Whatever “all” is?!
Each family is different but for me, I decided it was time for some help. I budget accordingly and I get the help I need. A minder, a cleaner and the odd week I send my washing to the dry cleaners.
When people offer to help, I accept it. I don’t feel patronized anymore or that they’re helping me because I can’t do it myself.
Does that make me less of a mum? Less of a wife? Absolutely not! In my opinion, it makes me a better mum. A less stressed mum is better for my family. A happy mum is a happy home.