It is difficult to stay strong through these tough times
Life is full of surprises (some good and some bad), but what do you do when a close relative dies suddenly and you are understandably devastated?
Being a Mammy is not something you can stop doing as you still have things to do and you have to care for your little ones too. However there are some things that you need to know…
- Take your time- There is no strict time limit on how long you should grieve for a loved one. Everyone deals with these situations differently and don’t feel pressured to conform to a certain way because others have moved on. Take your time, it is ok to go slow and steady now.
- Consider counselling- If weeks are passing by and you are increasingly feeling unable to cope and lost maybe consider counselling. Even a short amount of grievance counselling can benefit you and it might allow you to let go and eventually move on. Though your loved one will never stop being missed by you, you can certainly go forward and learn better coping strategies in place.
- Cuddle up with your kids- In the days that follow after the funeral you may feel like lazing on the sofa all day and that is perfectly ok. Grab the kiddies and cuddle up on the couch watching films and eating junk food. Remember a short time of takeaways and a bit of junk food is not going to harm you all, there is plenty of time for healthy eating once you are strong enough.
- Remember your loved one and talk about them- Being honest with your little ones is the best way to gain support from them and if they are also upset about losing their relative you can be shoulders to cry on. Don’t worry if they see you upset, explain losing someone you love is difficult but you will feel better soon though you will always miss this person hugely from your life.
- Ask for help- Call in the family, the friends and the neighbours for back up and use them to help you until you are back to yourself again. Maybe they can help with school runs, play dates and activities for the kids. A night off wouldn’t go a miss either and let yourself slop down for the night and roar crying if that is what you need to do.
- Don’t be hard on yourself- The kids will be fine and your partner understands how hard all of this is on you so don’t feel guilty. It is not the end of the world if dinner isn’t on the table as usual and if Mammy decides to stay in her night clothes all day who cares? Worry about yourself for now and be selfish.
- Don’t rush to feel normal again- Getting back to a normal life after losing a loved one is incredibly hard and shouldn’t be rushed. You may find it takes weeks or even longer for normality to resume, however with the right support you will get there.
Mammy’s are brilliant and love their kiddies but remember Mammy’s have feelings and they need to look after themselves too.