You may not have even realised that you were doing it
Over parenting is a term used to describe parents that are so worried about the safety or success of their children that they do too many things for them and stop them from being independent. Sometimes these parents are referred to as helicopter parents who hover over their children ready to swoop in if the kids should make a mistake or hurt themselves. They are often accused of being obsessed with their children’s education, safety, extra-curricular activities and other aspects of their children’s lives. In case you are recognising some of these characteristics in yourself or others here are a few clear signs that you are over parenting.
Struggle to watch your kid make mistakes- If you are straight in there before you child makes a silly mistake and have little tolerance for mistakes you may be guilty of over parenting. Kids have to make mistakes to learn from them, and there is no way you can be there to protect them all the time.
Protect them from facing consequences- If your kiddie did something wrong and you know this but rather than let your child face the consequences you cover it up and don’t mention it to anyone. Kids all do wrong at times and consequences are the way kids learn to behave properly to avoid them getting into trouble, you have to let kids face the music at times.
Can’t tolerate your child failing- You have just pulled your kid out of football because they aren’t the star player you envisioned them to be and you are thinking what is the point in bothering?! Kids are not going to excel at everything but taking part matters, being a part of a team matters and preventing a child from doing something they enjoy because they aren’t brilliant at it isn’t a good lesson for your kiddie as they may just give up on things all the time.
Have frequent power struggles with your kids- You are constantly arguing with your kids and battling with them to behave how you want them to behave and do what you want them to do. However in essence you are preventing them from becoming their own person and halting their ability to be responsible and independent. You may not want your kids to grow and move from your safety net at home, but they will and they have to.
Worry about stuff other parents don’t think about twice- You regularly panic about your child getting brilliant results in a test, personal achievements, and sporting accolades though other parents don’t get drowned out with these issues. If your kid doesn’t achieve high marks help them the next time, if they don’t win first place congratulate them on their determination to enter the race and if they don’t win the trophy encourage them to fight for it next season.
You argue with your child’s teachers, mentors, coaches and childcare providers- You regularly disagree with your child not being picked for the team to start the game, with the teacher who gave your child a bad result and your childminder who let your kiddie hang from monkey bars at the park and your kid fell and got a scratch! The best way forward is for you to relax your desire to manage your kid’s life and begin to learn to tolerate that children aren’t perfect and neither are you! And that is ok!
Protect them from facing consequences- If your kiddie did something wrong and you know this but rather than let your child face the consequences you cover it up and don’t mention it to anyone. Kids all do wrong at times and consequences are the way kids learn to behave properly to avoid them getting into trouble, you have to let kids face the music at times.
Can’t tolerate your child failing- You have just pulled your kid out of football because they aren’t the star player you envisioned them to be and you are thinking what is the point in bothering?! Kids are not going to excel at everything but taking part matters, being a part of a team matters and preventing a child from doing something they enjoy because they aren’t brilliant at it isn’t a good lesson for your kiddie as they may just give up on things all the time.
Have frequent power struggles with your kids- You are constantly arguing with your kids and battling with them to behave how you want them to behave and do what you want them to do. However in essence you are preventing them from becoming their own person and halting their ability to be responsible and independent. You may not want your kids to grow and move from your safety net at home, but they will and they have to.
Worry about stuff other parents don’t think about twice- You regularly panic about your child getting brilliant results in a test, personal achievements, and sporting accolades though other parents don’t get drowned out with these issues. If your kid doesn’t achieve high marks help them the next time, if they don’t win first place congratulate them on their determination to enter the race and if they don’t win the trophy encourage them to fight for it next season.
You argue with your child’s teachers, mentors, coaches and childcare providers- You regularly disagree with your child not being picked for the team to start the game, with the teacher who gave your child a bad result and your childminder who let your kiddie hang from monkey bars at the park and your kid fell and got a scratch! The best way forward is for you to relax your desire to manage your kid’s life and begin to learn to tolerate that children aren’t perfect and neither are you! And that is ok!