Did you ever say something to your child and instantly regret what you said?

I know I have. There’s a lot to be said for that age old phrase… “think before you speak” ! But we are only human and sometimes through sheer exhaustion or even stupidity, cross words get said. If we think hard enough and look back at our own childhood we can all remember a comment our parents said that was (unintentionally) cutting but none the less- it hurt. There are also some things we say without even meaning to cause offence to our children. I have now vowed to “choose my words more carefully”.

Following a little family and friends research, I’ve come up with a list of things I’ve been told parents regret saying to their children…

“Why can’t you be more like your sister/brother”.
This can really upset a child and even cause arguments between siblings (who are already competitive enough). Children are all different and one kid might be a soccer star and the other a smarty pants! Diversity is good, as is difference. If we were all the same the world would be an incredibly strange place to be.

“You’re ok”.
Sometimes kids aren’t ok. They may have fallen over and need a cuddle or if someone has upset them they may need reassurance from us. So I am going to try harder to not ignore my kid’s feelings and stop telling them they are ok and ask them how I can help to make them feel happier.

“Hurry up”.
Children can be extremely slow at certain tasks and of course it is so annoying when we are busy. But kids just need more time than us, as they are only learning, and so much of what is tough for them is easy for us. So I am going to stop laying on so much pressure to finish their breakfast and let them practice away tying their laces and have a little faith that they will get faster soon.

“Here, give it to me, I’ll do it”.
When my daughter is sitting on the carpet getting frustrated with a 3D puzzle it is easy for me to take over and just do it! But where is the fun in that for her? She needs to try figure and these things out for herself. If the puzzle sits on the floor for days half done… so be it!

“Don’t cry”.
Everyone has a little cry from time to time or becomes a little teary eyed. There is no shame in a little cry by one of the kids if he/she was excluded from a game or someone upset them. Crying is a way of them expressing their emotions. So it’s my intention to give more cuddles and kisses and to tell them to let it all out! If I deny them those little tears maybe their sadness would build up and that’s not something I want to even think about!

“Wait until your Dad gets home”.
I’ve done this time and time again, and realised that by threatening them with punishment later caused them to hide when my partner arrived home! So from now on, if they misbehave I am dealing with it straight away and will try to teach them to respect me and the house rules and to stop relying on the Dad is on his way home trick. My other half didn’t like coming home to this atmosphere either!

“I’m on a diet”.
One of my best friends is on a healthy eating buzz, and from my observations in her house, I’ve decided never to mention my diets to the kid’s especially when they hit the impressionable teenage years. I’ll be good with eating nutritious food and encouraging cutting out the chocolate but I’m going to try to be to discreet when I am trying to lose a few pounds and still eat meals with the children.

“I hate you too”
Let’s be honest, at some stage the first three of these words is likely to come out of our kid’s mouth! I have heard it already and it stings deep but try to avoid retaliating and making things far worse. I’ve heard teenagers I am related to say this a lot over the years. Do they mean it? No! It is pure frustration and rage and typically they lash out and wound those closest to them.
 
Parenting is tough, and while words are exactly that- just words- they can be misconstrued so easily. I am going to try harder to “think before I speak” when it comes to my kids (I'll work on the rest of the world later!) x