Pregnancy Diary Week 11

Dear Diary

11 weeks pregnant. I can't believe this time next week I will be saying the words "12 weeks". It just feels like an eternity when you've been counting it down for so long. Especially at a time where days feel like weeks and weeks feel like years. Time has moved at a snail's pace. Or so it seems.

I equally find myself feeling a little bit not ready for the twelve-week mark because it feels so overwhelming. On some level, I've gotten used to this secret little bubble by now. I've found a way to avoid certain people, manage the tiredness and just survive during this first trimester.

Is it weird that I feel kind of protective over the pregnancy now? As much as I want to talk about it and share it all with the people in my life I'm just not ready to have to talk about it all the time. What if I tempt fate and something bad happens? What if people think we should have waited or that our situation isn't ideal? OK calm down Tracey, deep breaths.

We've been living in our new house for a couple of weeks now and we are settling in nicely. My four-year-old son is sleeping in his own bedroom more than he's sleeping in ours and I can't tell you how huge that is. We've co-slept for four years so it's completely normal to us but I feel really proud that he's taken this big step. It's the first time that he's properly had his own room and I think he likes it.

For two years we've lived in a small granny flat. We made the decision to bite the bullet and use it as an opportunity to save for a deposit. We were just so lucky that a family member gave us the chance to do something like this and here we are actually living in the house now. It's so surreal. If two years ago someone had told me I would now be eleven weeks pregnant and living in a house that we own I'd have died of shock. You just never know, do you?

I have a feeling the next six days are going to be the longest of my life.

"New house, new baby" seems to be a sentence we are hearing a lot about lately. It actually gives me a huge laugh because people genuinely have no idea that we conceived before we even signed the dotted line. There will be a lot of shocked faces next week.

Oh my, next week. I keep looking at the scan date and visualising myself lying on the hospital bed. I keep imagining them saying something good and then I remind myself that this might not be the case. It isn't for everyone, is it? I'm also embarrassed to admit that I'm quite nervous about having a blood test. I haven't had any kind of needle since I gave birth almost four and a half years ago. Trust me to be worried about a blood test when there are more serious things at play.

I'm also thinking about the godforsaken cyst. I genuinely feel like I'm pregnant with a cyst and a baby and I find myself worrying about both. It's been a few weeks now since the early scan so I'm kind of hoping deep down that the scanner doesn't even know what I'm talking about. These things can just disappear by themselves, even though I was told that's unlikely as this one is "complex" and blood-filled. A girl can hope.

I've started imagining how I'll announce the pregnancy to friends and family. I've even thought about the social media post. Sad I know but it's the truth. As soon as I start to get excited, another part of my brain reminds me that I've had no sickness now for a week and a half. None whatsoever. I've even started to tolerate yoghurt and coffee again. What if that is a bad sign?

I have a feeling the next six days are going to be the longest of my life. This time next week, we'll know either way and with that will come answers and a sense of relief. I just hope it's for all the right reasons. I can't wait to see that little heart beat.