Pregnancy Diary Week 21

Dear Diary

It honestly feels like we've just heard the news of our pregnancy. I think there is just something so profoundly real about the big scan and ever since we had it last week I've been constantly touching my belly and thinking about the growing life inside of me.

It's kind of taking my breath away at different points of the day and in a strange way, it's helping me to feel more balanced emotionally. I was struggling with anxiety last week and I've found that this week I've gotten a better grip of it. I find myself "catching" it before it grows legs and sends me to worst-case-scenario-ville.

I keep reminding myself that when I am stressed and anxious my baby suffers and I would pretty much do anything to keep my children safe. Children – that has a ring to it doesn't it? Hi, I'm Tracey and I have two children!

I'll always be the kind of person who needs a little treat at some stage during the day.

I have an actual little bump now which I'm really enjoying dressing. I have so many tops and dresses that I wouldn't dream of wearing ordinarily because they are too figure-hugging. These days I find myself actively looking for anything like that to show off my round tummy. I just feel so proud.

I know some people don't like drawing attention to themselves but for me, it excites me when people notice that I'm pregnant. I never expected to want a bump so soon this time around. I think I just really struggled with all of the physicalities and emotions that come with pregnancy and then the pressure of having to keep it locked inside. It's as though the door has been opened now and I am Mrs Pregnant-Mother-Nature herself.

I have a lot to thank my bump for this week. It's helped me to really see the reality that I have a person inside of me. Ten little fingers and ten little toes. Those little limbs need nourishment and I am way more conscious of what I'm eating this week. I feel like this is my opportunity to really get back into healthy eating and being good to my body.

I've made no secret of the fact that I've struggled with my body image so far in the pregnancy. A combination of struggling to see the numbers going up after six stone of weight loss and then the stress and worry that the ovarian cyst brought to our lives. Punishing my body only made it feel worse though so now it's time to be good to myself. I've been eating way more fresh fruit and vegetables as well as actually switching to decaf tea. I allow myself one "real" coffee a day but the rest is decaf and I can't believe how good Barry's decaf tea is. If you like strong tea this is your best friend. It's a baby blue packet and it's been a real game-changer for me.

I'm still having treats. I'll always be the kind of person who needs a little treat at some stage during the day. We've actually developed a little ritual, myself and the little man, where at about 4 pm, we sit down and he is finally allowed to watch TV (his words) after we "do our jobs". He watches Netflix, I do some work on my computer and we both have some decaf tea and a little treat.

It's come to be known as "tea and treat time" and it's just so incredibly lovely. A special time for just me and my boy. Speaking of that little cutie – he's back in our bed a lot these days but honestly, I don't mind. He sleeps really well there and we have the option of himself and my hubby sleeping in the spare bed in the attic when baby comes if things get a little difficult. We've been pretty much co-sleeping for five years now but he starts the night off in his own bed 90% of the time and stays there all night maybe half of the week so it isn't too bad.

Week 21 was full of feel-good vibes and I'm lapping them up because It feels good to feel good.